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[Editor's Note:
At Applelust we have received several pieces by our
readers who have lived or are living in New York.
It seems they just want to say something. We understand.
So if it helps us all, then we are glad to give them
a voice... DKS]
I grew up in the suburbs of New York
City. We called New York "The City" because there
was no other way to describe the place. How can you
describe the 'sound' that never stopped, but lessened
to a dull roar at night? How can you describe looking
down Broadway on a weekday and seeing a sea of yellow,
shades from vibrant-electric to a muted, greyed-out-not-quite-yellow,
surrounded by brilliant flecks of color, bobbing and
shifting? How can you describe the people, thousands
on each block milling about like a nest of ants with
the roof taken off? How can you describe seeing the
signature of Philippe Petit, scrawled on the corner
of Tower One, after seeing the man tight-rope walk
between the tallest pair of buildings in the world?
There were many trips to museums, galleries,
the Planetarium for Laserium(!), hours spent staring
at dinosaur bones and ancient swords. I hated the
subway, even though you could go anywhere. It was
an ear-splitting, screeching, crowded, Bing-Bong-crrrkk
("Watch the doors please. Chamber Street. Next stop.")
place that seemed forever full of tired, cranky people.
When I was little, The City was a place
to master, full of fun and adventure, a place full
of danger, full of possibilities, full of new people
to meet and new places to go.
I achieved mastery of the place when
I walked alone from Central Park, south, all the way
to the Battery (now called Battery Park City.) I loved
Little Italy; Umberto's, Luna's; perfect cappucinos
sipped at 2am at Cafe Borgia while a screamer berated
the traffic signal. This is the City, New York. At
the end of the block. Greenwich Village? At times,
unavoidably, irresistably intruiging; other days were
grey, rainy and vacant. Pizza — yessssss. Bagels?
No question, the best anywhere. At night there was
Studio 54. The Palladium. Lincoln Center. Broadway.
I loved the City and I hated the City.
Living 35 miles east on Long Island was like another
planet, quiet and green. Like a forest moon, wet and
lush. When I stayed at my aunts near Chinatown, it
was always too noisy, too loud for me to sleep. After
they built Police Plaza and the New Tombs across the
street, it was all too much.
Saved by College.
My recent life here in the LA area
for the last decade always seemed removed exactly
as many miles from the City as it physically is, until
Last Tuesday, when it was unpleasantly close. In my
bedroom, four feet away, and on fire to be exact.
That Tuesday morning started in low-gear
like the day before: the kids were groggy and sullen,
annoyed that I wakened them in the 'night morning'.
They positioneed themselves in their usual places,
sprawled on the couch, intent on Elmo's World, while
I turned on KTLA to check the traffic. 5:45am is early,
too early for me. It seemed odd that there would be
a fire at the World Trade Center, but hey, stranger
things have happened, right? Gotta get in the shower.
Two wet phone calls later convinced
me that I needed to get out. "Have you seen what's
going on in New York?", and "They're attacking
the World Trade Center" translated to, "Oh God,
are we at war?" A great feeling of dread and uneasy
anticipation grew over me. I felt sorrow and pain
as the the North Tower Burned. Thankfully, I missed
seeing people jump. What's on CNN? ABC? Peter Jennings,
tell me why this is happening? I was distraught as
I watched the second plane impact. What the hell is
going on? Despair and emptiness. Helplessness.
I think I went through all the stages
of shock repeatedly, over and over and over and over
and over; denial, fear, anger, anxiety, depression,
grief, panic. Then I was just angry and depressed,
knowing that The City would never be the same, nothing
can ever be the same. I'm sad because my Kids will
never get to see the place where a daring man
set his mind free and walked on a wire a third of
a mile high. I'm mad because I can't trust anyone
anymore and I don't like feeling like that. I'm not
sure I feel 'terrorized', but the occasional surge
of anxiety makes me cold.
I'm mad because my stress has spilled
over to my kids who are too young and too innocent
to need to know about this kind of thing. They are
confused and fearful. Anxious. Tired. Sick.
I spend a lot time wondering why people
like that think the way they do, and can't come up
with a logical reason.
I'm tired of 'W', tired of analysts,
tired of all the incredibly stupid questions asked
by anchors and reporters.
I've given up on the News; it's too
depressing. All I want is to hear about the traffic
so I'll know how long it'll take before I can be home
with my wife and kids.
I want it all back.
And I want it like it was before.
But I can't, and I won't let it get
me down.
Afterword: I want to thank all
those who have sacrificed so much to give us what
we have here in the United States: Freedom and a greater
understanding of what it means to be truly free; a
more mature perspective on tolerance, whether it be
towards race, religion etc., and the realization that
the US means so much more to the World at large than
we used to think or believe. I also want to
acknowledge those that have given unselfishly in this
hour of need. I fly my Stars and Stripes proudly to
honor you, heroes all. After all, that was my home...
Chris
Gee has a Bachelors Degree in Computer Science,
is a former Berkeley Unix hacker (last hack: BSD-2.10/VM),
a recovering User Interface Designer, and part-time
production programmer (c, perl). He is currently a
full-time Imaging Department Supervisor, working at
a large movie studio which uses Really Big Iron™,
Macs, and, thankfully, very few Windoze machines.
As a programmer and end-user, he has a deep appreciation
for the utter simplicity and logic of the 'look-and-feel'
of the Mac as both a Concept and in Implementation.
Motto: "That's
as white as it gets, all the bits are on..."
Stuffit
7 (10-18-02) Dr. Neale Monks. What purpose does file compression have
in this day of 100 GB hard drives? Is version 7 worthy of the upgrade fees?
Fireworks
MX (10-8-02) Dean Browell. Fireworks is more than just a pretty face;
The last app I needed to convert entirely to OS X delivers in upgrades and
features as well...
Dreamweaver
MX (10-8-02) Joel Davies. Not being satisfied with just carbonizing it's
product, Macromedia made sure that Dreamweaver MX was the killer app for web
design.
SliMP3
(9-6-02) Pat St-Arnaud. The SliMP3 is a small, simple and elegant network
devices that connects to any audio component with RCA inputs and lets you
browse, search and play music directly from your computer's MP3 collection.
Voyager
III v.3 (8-16-02) Dr. Neale Monks. Carina's Voyager is the grandfather
of Mac planetarium programs, but does it still have what it takes to keep
up the current generation?
CodeWarrior
8 (8-16-02) Douglas A. Welton. Doug dives into the latest version of this
robust multi-platform programming tool.
STM
Sports Backpack (8-9-02) Pierre Igot. How will this backpack designed
for the "global digerati" stack up when Pierre puts it to the test
with his mobile digital lifestyle?
Scope
Driver (8-2-02) Dr. Neale Monks. An alternative to the 'point and click'
telescope control paradigm: a powerful list-based utility for Autostar and
LX200 telescopes.
Apple
Final Cut Pro 3.0 (7-19-02) Michael Tate Jones. Tate reviews the video-editing
powerhouse Final Cut Pro 3 and sizes up its competition. Does Final Cut Pro
3 hold its ground?
Strata
DVpro RME (7-16-02) Matt Frederick. Matt Frederick. Matt takes a comprehensive
look at Strata DVpro, Strata's pro-level non-linear editor for digital video.
Stargazer's
Delight (6-28-02) Dr. Neale Monks. Looking for a viable shareware alternative
to the big commercial astronomy software packages? Neale may have found one.
TheSky
(6-21-02) Dr. Neale Monks. Neale takes a look at the easiest to use planetarium
program for the Mac.
NI
FM7 (6-21-02) Matt Frederick. Matt takes this software replica of Yamaha's
DX7 synthesizer for a test drive.
The
Digital Universe (6-14-02) Neale Monks. Planetarium program, astronomy
encyclopaedia and space flight simulator all rolled into one - could The Digital
Universe be the ClarisWorks of astronomy software? Neale Monks takes a look.
After
Effects 5.5 (5-31-02) Michael Tate Jones. Tate reviews the OS X native
version of After Effects and likes what he sees.
InDesign
2.0 for Non-Professional Designers (5-24-02) Pierre Igot. In the second
part of our review of Adobe InDesign 2.0 for Mac OS X, Pierre Igot looks at
InDesign from the point-of-view of the non-professional designer - and finds
plenty to like.
Corel
Graphics Suite, Part 2 (5-24-02) Dean Browell. CorelDraw returns in full
force and Corel R.A.V.E makes its debut.
Corel
Graphics Suite, Part 1 (5-17-02) Dean Browell. CorelDraw is back, and
it's brought some powerful friends that makes this Suite worth the look...
OmniGraffle
2.0 (5-10-02) András Puiz. Analog napkins are so 20th century --
this gem from OmniGroup knows (almost) all about diagramming. András
Puiz wishes all Mac developers developed a similar understanding of Aqua,
and of Mac OS X in general.
Watson
(5-03-02) Michael Tate Jones. Tate discovers a 'Swiss Army Knife' for OS X...
it's called Watson.
